The Art of Narcissism

As I take the year off from competing to enjoy time with the family, reflect, and make plans for the future, I also spend a little more time following people on Instagram and Facebook. I came across someone's post (I won't say who) and I thought to myself...."Well, that is Narcissism at it's best". 

I understand anyone (including myself) is a bit narcissistic if you participate in any form of social media. Being a WBFF PRO, I understand the political side of "getting out there" and making yourself familiar to people. Especially, if you are promoting a business of some sort; whether it is your own or a sponsor, it is a great form of advertising and it's free. But do we take it too far? Do we really want to look at pictures of your fifth vacation of the year? Of course not, it makes us jealous. The same goes with progress pics. I know the general public could give a hoot about whether or not I am making progress. In fact, most only look in hopes of seeing me fail. That is human nature and that's OK with me. But this recent post irritated me so much that I could not help but to vent here on my blog. By the time I finished this post however, I saw yet another person do the same thing. It's a narcissistic epidemic. 

This up and coming "fitness model" (and she is a real model not a want to be) proceeded to write about all that she had been doing the past 13 months or so. She left nothing out. Competing in a show, where she placed, photo shoot with (name drop here) and photo shoot with (name drop there). So many name drops! She is so perfect; she only eats bad once every 1.5 months. She was published in this magazine and was on the cover of this on line magazine blah blah blah blah! She mentioned all her business ventures and who is sponsoring her photo shoot clothes and so on and so forth. She has something "exciting" coming up soon, but that was the only thing she didn't want to brag about at the moment. I guess if it wasn't all listed on Instagram it may not have been so overwhelming. Isn't Instagram for pictures? She knows how to work it that's for sure. With thousands of followers who am I to say? But come on? In response I would like to give you just a glimpse into not the last 13 months but a typical recent day in my life...as a mother and a wife.

Get up, make sure kids are dressed, fed, and homework together and backpacks packed. Don't forget to pack lunches and snacks. Get them to school. Go see a patient anywhere from 1-2 hours away (if I am lucky enough to have any work, that's been another source of stress). Hit the gym, hit Wal-mart. Oh Crap! I forgot Blake's toes are literally showing through his shoes...need to run to store and pick up a new pair. Oh crap! I forgot I signed up to bring drinks to the end of the year party at school. Oh Crap! Colton's end of the school year party is today. Dang it! Where is that email telling me where and what time? Man I'm thankful that today they don't have reading and homework like they do every other school day. And I am glad basketball is over, cause I don't have to coach one team and help with the other. And at least right now my 8 week rotation in children's church is not upon us, cause we just finished early this year with that. Going on... Pick up kids from school. Pick up some chicken strips for kids to snack on before making it to the party. "Screaming heard coming from backseat". Oh Crap! Gravy is everywhere including all over my son. UGH! MY NEW CAR! Make a call for change of clothes. Thank God for my husband. At this point I realize I am having a break down and cannot handle it today. How in the world did I manage to do all this and prep for my shows all these years? I'm not even prepping for a show! Typically I'll have supper on the table by 5:15pm and probably doing a load of laundry. But today, I call my husband and tell him he has to cancel his Thursday night fishing tournament this week cause momma is Cra Cra. Straightening up the house is last on my list and usually happens the night before my housekeeper comes anyway, so I am not bothering with that tonight. I'm typically so tired that I am out before my head hits the pillow....and that night was no exception.

Yep! You want to brag about something? No one has more room to brag than a mom. I have accomplished a lot in my life and have failed at even

more. But nothing is as brag worthy as what I, and so many moms do on a daily basis for our families. Being humble these days is understandably difficult when you are living in a world that thrives on "look at me". I'm guilty for sure and if nothing else, reading this young woman's post has made me realize that I need to be careful how I come off. Please don't take this as me being a "hater". She has a great future ahead of her and I truly believe she will do well. I like to see humility in people and she is lacking in that department. Am I concerned she will read this? LMAO Trust me. I'm not big enough for her to follow.

As for me, I will probably continue to post accomplishments of my kids and myself at times...But I will just try to be humble about it.

Why women should rethink taking "Selfies"

I have felt for sometime that this needed to be said. Ladies, let's rethink how we take progress photos! You probably thought this was going to be a blog about  how taking "Selfies" is wrong. But it's not. It's a blog about why taking selfies as a means of tracking progress is wrong....or at least the way we are doing it is wrong.

In a day and time where the "selfie" is not only a way of showing our mood, but, also a way of tracking our progress; we must stop to think;  Am I doing myself justice here? Let's be honest, how many times do we take a photo of ourselves only to take 10 more till we get one we like. Then we adjust it with filters and flash so that it is more flattering. If you see a photo of me, rest assured it was not the first one I took at that moment. More like number 6. The same is true with a progress photo. Haven't you taken one only to look at it and go, "What the Hell? Do I look that bad? I thought I looked better than that". And then it starts. Our self-esteem begins a downward spiral and that moment of, "I look pretty good" turns into, "OMG, I can't do this cause I'm not seeing any results". I enlisted the help of a friend who is also a photographer to help bring some clarification of this harmful phenomenon called the Selfie!

Pictures Do Lie

By Jerry Fincher

Taking a photo of yourself is common practice nowadays, but a word of caution if you are looking at yourself to see where you are in your quest to have the perfect body image. You could be seeing something that is not there because of the way you are taking a photo of yourself. First of all, most are taken with a cellphone, though not wrong, it is not the best medium to use because most people get too close when taking their photo. Most cell phones have a wide angle lens because they are mostly used to take pictures of groups of two or more people, therefore, you are not typically as close when taking these photos. When a person takes a selfie, he/she is closer to their body to see how lean they have gotten. The problem with this is the lens on most phones will make you appear larger than you really are. One suggestion would be to get back as far as you would as if you were taking a picture of two people. You may not be able to see the progress you have made immediately in that photo, but you can always crop in. Isn't that a better idea than beating yourself up for a photo that has been negatively distorted? In other words, you don't look that bad. Another thing to consider is shooting your reflection in the bathroom mirror. The mirror is picking up light from the ceiling, walls, and floor.  It is also reflecting the color of all of them, which is not giving your body image on the camera a very flattering color combo. Our mind corrects these colors, but the camera reflects them. Keep this in mind. If the walls, floor, and ceiling is all white, you get a lot of white reflections on your body which make you appear washed out. This is not a true reflection of what is really there. It also enhances and magnifies all imperfections. Let me say that again, it magnifies all imperfections. Lighting overhead, as they usually are in bathrooms, will cause these imperfections to look way worse than they really are. In fact, this is not a true image of how your body really looks and how others see it. Think of the bath reflections as taking a flashlight and holding it under your chin or other parts of your body. Not exactly the look you want.

My advice is to use the flash on the phone inside and outside. And when possible, let someone else take the photo. Again, ensure they are not standing too close to you. Six to eight feet away is best. When using an everyday digital camera,  you want to back up with it as well and use the flash for more realistic and better results.

CAUTION: THE FOLLOWING LEAVES ME VERY VULNERABLE AND UNCOMFORTABLE. But it is important to be honest if I want to make a difference in women's lives.

I hope this brings some clarification to the topic. And in case you just don't get it, here are some pictures to prove it. I was taking these as my last set of pictures following my 6 weeks off from any form of physical activity. All were taken within minutes if not seconds of one another. One was taken in my bathroom by me using my cell phone and the others were taken in a more lit area by my husband using a regular camera. UGH! I can't stand to look at that one picture. 

My husband, when I showed him later, did not believe they were taken within minutes of one another. He said, pointing to the one he took, "This is more of what I saw as I took the picture". WHEW! Thank God for that. 

The moral of this story is to relax. We as women see our flaws FIRST and in abundance. Let's not aid in that way of thinking by relying so much on these unreliable self-esteem shattering  "Selfies". 

Yes, I have cellulite too!

I think there is often a misunderstanding when it comes to fitness competitors. First of all, most of us do not stay in stage shape. Some will stay more fit than others and some let themselves go. I am not constantly doing photo-shoots, so I just try to stay a couple of weeks out from "photo ready". The longer you maintain a healthy lifestyle, the easier it is to maintain a leaner look. As I have been laying off the gym the last 4 weeks, I have tried not to look at myself constantly in the mirror. This will only give me time to critique the negative changes. That is why weekly I have been taking a photo of my abs and being done with it. My goal was to eat healthy and monitor the changes. But let me be honest, I have not eaten real clean. Surprisingly however, there has not been that much change in my mid-section (that's a good thing). But wait, I noticed the changes in my thighs. I have always had some cellulite, even in my younger 20's. I hated it and for the most part I am not a fan. However, as I have competed, I have learned to give less attention to that negative part and focus more on the positive parts...like a tight mid-section that I didn't have prior to eating healthy and competing. 

So why have I never shared cellulite photos? Well, for a couple of different reasons. First of all, ewe! Why show the part of me I hate worse? Secondly, as I became more "OK" with it I was afraid of the responses, mainly from those who have lots of cellulite. I could hear them saying..."Where? I don't see any. That's not much." But for me it bothered me the same. That's where I am just like you. I do have insecurities and it is hard to show your vulnerability.

What is cellulite? There are so many different answers to what it is and why some have it and others don't. I believe it to be somewhat hormonal related as to how much you have. It seems to show up more around our periods. This could be do to water retention as well. It will be more prevalent when you are retaining water. It has also been thought to be the way the muscle fibers cross in women. More like a tic-tac-toe design than in men. And of course fat. Once you develop fat cells they are there. As you lose fat and get leaner those fat cells shrink and are less noticeable. They don't go away. That may be the best explanation. I have more prominent cellulite on my right thigh. It does not go away until my body fat falls below 12 percent. I don't stay below 12 percent, therefore I usually always have it. Whatever the reason...why don't men have it as much? LOL

Anyway, after taking 4 weeks off and not eating my typical meal plan my cellulite has become more prominent. In fact, I see it more now on my left thigh as well. It's hard to get a good picture (thankfully) of my cellulite by myself. Is it because I have gained fat, or because the foods I am eating are high in sodium and causing me to retain water? It could be a combination of both. Below are my pics from first week to 4th week off from the gym and yes, my cellulite pic. Be kind...I'm normal.

Not your typical before and after!

As I mentioned in my video, I am taking six weeks off from doing any form of exercise at all. I think it is important to listen to your body...and mine is saying "Hold up, I'm tired". These pictures are opposite of a typical before and after pic. It is my starting point before taking off and what happens to my body when I don't exercise. Honestly, I don't expect to 'blow" up. With somewhat proper diet, I shouldn't gain too much at all. The picture below is before and after two weeks. Keep in mind, I had had a lot of birthday cake and splurges, so I am retaining some water. Nothing to "freak" out about.

Addicted to the Gym in 30 days!

In January I launched my first e-book. This book is perfect for that person who is trying to establish the habit of going to the gym. If you have been intimidated about going to the gym because you are not sure what to do, then this will help. No one should allow their fears to stop them from reaching their goals, no matter what the goal. And offered to you at an incredibly low price, their is no risk. Check it out!


Addicted to the Gym in 30 days!
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HJFTHDU

My plans for 2014

Check out my video explaining what my plans are for the 2014 season. I will be posting pics of before and after. It will be backwards though. Before taking off and immediately after completing the 6 weeks rest period. I will also share what I am eating from time to time. I will not be "strict" just decrease the calories that I am already taking in.


http://youtu.be/YNem9UQsT9A

My year at a glance!

Another year has come and gone. As I sit here to reflect back on 2013, I am humbled by the many blessings I have had throughout the year and by my personal accomplishments. I always view the health of my friends and family to be at the top. I know many who have suffered not one, but two losses this past year. I never want to take my family and friends for granted and so many times this past year I was reminded through other's experiences of just that. My children are at a fun age and this past year I have had more fun just hanging out with them than ever. I am looking forward to 2014 with them.

Competitively, I feel as if I had a very successful year. Switching from the NPC to the WBFF did not occur without much consideration. It has proven to be the right decision. Little did I know, when stepping on my first WBFF stage in May, I would earn my pro card and go on to compete in Vegas with the pros in August. What an incredible experience. I would stay busy working as a nurse, doing my weekly fitness segment, writing my first e-book,  while at the same time begin training for my first power-lifting meet in January and plan and promote a posing clinic in January as well. There is no wonder I am feeling a bit tired mentally and physically. I was featured in Bestway to Health on-line magaizine, the WBFF website as well as a couple of local papers. I met some amazing people along the way. I am so thankful for the amazing group of supporters I have. Businesses, friends, families gave of their time, money, and sometimes both in support of me. I am so thankful for them.

I teamed up with my local Complete Nutrition store, who provide me with all my supplement needs and Cathy Langley who sponsors my suits. These shows can be extremely expensive so having sponsors is a true blessing.

I am prayerfully considering what this year will hold for me. For now, I take on coaching some basketball and teaching an eight week rotation in children's church. I have plenty to keep me busy. I will also be celebrating my 40th birthday in February. I am actually very excited about that. Watch for links to me ebook and my new facebook business page as well. I hope to be launching an on-line training business in the spring.